We are often asked for a copy of this rider, but not asked for booking very often afterwards. Is it too much? We don’t think so either, so what would you add to it?

<OFFICIAL HOST UNKNOWN RIDER, COPYRIGHT 2014>

CAMERAS, RECORDING DEVICES, VIDEO CAMERAS

Paying 3rd party (henceforth referred to as dumb client) agrees to make its best efforts to prevent any unauthorised recording or reproduction.

All approved stills photographers with properly displayed credentials are allowed THREE PHOTOGRAPHS and no flash whatsoever. Any photographer left in the barrier after three photos is no longer welcome in the building. No moving image cameras are allowed.

MERCHANDISE

Host Unknown shall retain exclusive right to sell or cause to be sold souvenir booklets, programs, T-Shirts or any product or publication utilising the name and/or likeness of the Artists.

Host Unknown logo may not be used on event t-shirts or other items without prior written consent from artists management.

BILLING

Host Unknown will receive 100% headline billing in all manner forms of advertising in connection with this engagement and shall be billed only as “Host Unknown”.

Credits will include a reference to Host Unknown and also J4vv4D/Andrew/Thom*

*Delete as requested by the sole founder of Host Unknown

TRAILER

Host Unknown will be provided a clean and well-lit and well-ventilated dressing room which can comfortably accommodate 3 large egos and a steady stream of female fans aged 18-23 (40+ for Thom)

Host Unknown will not be required to share the trailer with any other performer except Scarlette Johansson, Bruce Schneier, Jessica Alba, Vint Cerf, Jessica Beil, Brian Honan, Cameron Diaz, Gene Kim, Mila Kunis, Mikko Hypponenenenen or Angelina Jolie.

Lavatory facilities will be stocked with soap and toiletries and restricted to the common unwashed public.

Miracle grow head shampoo for Thom

Heating or air-conditioning will be provided as is customary in these modern times. We are, after all, no longer savages.

MEALS

For all meals, please provide:

• Silverware
• Plates, bowls (no styrofoam)
• Spring water
• Hot coffee (herbal tea for Thom)
• Pepsi in glass bottles.

Dearest reader – this rider is comprised of the things that make Host Unknown AWESOME! Please make every effort to provide the following and please, please do not surreptitiously hack through things to save a few pennies.

• WiFi (10 base-T for Thom)
• One double-apple flavoured shisha
• Three pairs of white socks
• Two pairs of medium and one pair of large boxer shorts
• Fresh vegetable and cheese tray with humus, pita break and crackers for three people.
• A juice machine
• A George Foreman grill.
• One bag of doritos
• A bowl of m&m’s with brown ones removed
• A bowl of brown m&m’s
• Ten energy bars – tiger milk or granola type bars. Ask a hippie for better suggestions.

ON-SITE STAFF

Dumb client is urged to ensure that all personnel are alert and of a professional attitude. Any autographs or photo request BY PEOPLE SUPPOSEDLY ON THE CLOCK are frowned upon. Venue employees hanging out with no apparent job or making out with girlfriends or boyfriends is not cool in the presence of professionals like us and when people are paid to be working.